How to Spot a Player

So, you're seeing somebody new, and you're not completely sure about this. Are you talking to someone who's interested in you and looking for a long term relationship, or have you run into somebody who's just in it for the sex, and is willing to lie about it, too? That's a big concern for lots of us, and it can be a hard question to answer while your heart is telling you one thing and your head is saying another. Let's check out some of the ways you can use to spot somebody who's not really being honest.

1. They're evasive. If you're curious about what they do when they're not with you, and the person you've been seeing isn't all that willing to talk about it, there's a good chance something's up. Non-monogamous people should be willing to let you talk to everybody else they've been seeing. People who've made a promise of monogamy should be willing to keep it.

2. They're perfect. If you're getting to know somebody, and they always seem to have the answer, and are always agreeable, there's a good chance it's a facade. After all, if the end goal is just to get you into bed and leave when they're bored, there's no problem with pretending to be whatever you want. If you're actually serious about someone, there'll be at least a few places where you don't see eye to eye. That's normal.

3. They're pushy. When you feel like your opinions are ignored, like your partner spends a lot of time smiling and nodding while you talk, or like you have to do whatever they want, there's something wrong. A pushy person may be using you for their own entertainment, and probably doesn't care about you as a person.

4. They talk badly about their exes. Everyone has a bad relationship or two, and a lot of people flinch if their partner talks favorably about old partners. But when you're with someone who won't stop badmouthing old relationships, you might want to be careful. If they were that bad, why would anyone get involved in the first place?

5. They fall fast and hard. This might not be a sign of a player - it could be a sign of somebody who's not thinking very well. But "falling in love" right away is often an indicator of somebody who's willing to lie, cheat, and cajole to get you to do whatever they want.

6. They ignore you. If you seem to be getting the cold shoulder when there's someone more attractive around, when their friends are over, or even when there's something good on TV, something is definitely up. Don't stick with someone who doesn't think you're worth paying attention to.

In short if you respect yourself and want to keep your self esteem in tact at all costs avoid entering into a relationship with a player. The stakes are too high against you and the 'game' too costly.

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